Category: Love

It’s hard to keep the peace but especially during the holiday season. I happen to be one who loves the holiday season for the beauty and wonder it brings. I love the simplicity of the  Flagstaff Star every year on Veteran’s Day here in Boulder. The lights and color, the evergreen fragrance, the tree, music, community sharing and meaningful time with family and friends bring joy to me. Any reason to bring love, joy, peace, generosity,  goodwill, and connection to others is great.

What Are Some Challenges to Keep the Peace during the holidays?

Perfectionist Standards:

The image of the “ideal” holiday- whatever that means in décor, tradition, and festivity can dominate and increase anxiety.

Heightened emotion unravels and intensifies:

This causes even the most loving of relationships to need “do-over” moments. Regrettable things, though unintended can be hurtful.

Increased Stress:

Somehow, rather than savoring the goodness of the season, it is easy to get overwhelmed. This can turn into a burden rather than a joy.

Deeper Challenges Faced During The Holidays

Grief and Loss can be Magnified:

For those who are enduring death, divorce, health or increased stressors and challenges, this time of year can magnify the sadness and loss.  Because it can be so challenging to cope, you may feel you need simply to “cocoon”. Bring on the warm soup, tea, and blankets. (It’s no surprise that weighted blankets have become quite a “thing”)   Give permission to do exactly what you need. Reach out for support to avoid isolation.

Unrealistic Expectations/Obligations:

“Tis the Season” There may be many additional invitations and events to choose between and support.

 

Shame from feeling “not enough”:

Where there is “lack” there is a shame trigger. Orphaned parts of ourselves can truly raise their sad, angry or needy head. These parts are beckoning to be loved, especially during this time. Comfort and joy can heal from our increased kindness to self with hands over heart.

The holiday season can put undue financial pressure on families.  We clearly need a redefined and designed vision that focuses more on worthiness, simplicity, homemade, natural abundance and generosity. Don’t compare. Stay in your lane.

How Can We Cultivate  Peace and Joy During The Holiday Season?

I believe this is a season that ultimately celebrates light, love, and birth.

The light within illuminates through prayer and meditation, stillness, peace, and reflection. The light within can provide leadership, clarity, compassion, and calm. It can help us discern and make choices that align with our needs and values.

I have gathered thoughts and suggestions from clients, family, and of course my own experience, humbling as it may be.  Thank you to all contributors.

Here they are:

Create a Vision

First of all, how do you want to feel at the end of the season and as you go through it? Would you like to feel calm, connected as a team with your partner?  Likewise, would you love more time cuddling on the couch?

Complete the sentence…what I would love would be…..or wouldn’t be nice if……..

Prioritize Well-Being :

Self-care is of paramount importance. In busy times, it is the thing most likely to be sacrificed. Maintaining healthy nutrition, exercise, mindful practice, social support is so important. Because of this, prioritize your most important relationships. Turn toward and stay connected.

Be Clear :

What is important to you? No one can read your mind. Share how you would love for things to look and be.

Reset :

Let go of the stress and bring laughter,  joy, and playfulness. Dancing around to your favorite tunes, or flirting with one another through any task can ease tension and increase connection.

Find the Free Events :

There is so much offered for a low-cost budget to enjoy. Concerts, outdoor events, game night, cookie decorating, or peaceful evenings at home are all accessible.

Spread It Out:

Not everything needs to be celebrated in a three-week window. Planning something in January or later for friends or gatherings could be a great way to have something to look forward to.

Navigate imperfect moments:

There are bound to be plenty. What we focus on expands, so focus on the positive experiences, rather than disappoints. If there is a SNAFU or rupture between people- do this:

Slooowww Down, Stop, Breathe, Choose :

The next best response and reparative gesture or comment is a choice from a place of calm, kindness and clarity. For this challenge, regulate your EQ and nervous system. Stopping and take 3 deep breaths can help us during times like this, rather than “flipping our lid”.   Take a time out with the reassurance of coming back.

Furthermore, harmony, disharmony, and repair are processes important in daily life for the myriad of small conflicts we run into. Let’s be masters navigating these imperfect moments.

“Harmony. Disharmony. Repair”. Terry Real

Repair, Repair, Repair:

If stress or personalities get entangled, words cross or regret sets in, apologize and reset. Consequently, we need to let go of grudges, resentments or comparisons. Let in love, empathy, respect, difference, and understanding.

“Imperfections are not inadequacies. They are reminders that we are all in this  together.” Brene’ Brown

I love Brene’ Brown’s book. The Gift of Imperfection.  Imperfection is actually what bonds us together. Let’s handle it gracefully and with ease and reassurance rather than rupture and disrepair, gossip, division, and separation.

Click Here If You Would Love a 20 Minute Complimentary Consultation: https://calendly.com/sharlamacy/20-minute-complimentary-phone-session

 

I wish all a Peaceful, Joy and Love- Filled Holiday!

References:

Brene’ Brown, PhD. brenebrown.com

Terry Real, Relationship Therapist, terryreal.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in” Leonard Cohen

How many of us have seen Season 1 and 2 of Big, Little Lies, or have read the book?  Wow… it seems to catch on like crazy for some reason.  Of course, the brilliant cast, excellent production of a powerful story of such suspense and complexity is without a doubt. The unfolding and tragic weaving of stories of abuse, violence, and tragedy command our hearts, intrigue, and pain. Each character brings forth such a compelling story.  (more…)

I was introduced to a friend of a neighbor in our new “digs” recently. I was taken with the question, what do you do? I paused and thought upon that question, usually so easy to answer with my usual professional credentials and response. This time,  however, I was truly struck by the existential challenge. I have thought long and hard over the last couple of days and pondered the answer.  What is it I really do and why do I do it?

The answer in and of itself sheds so many layers of complexity, specialization, and ego in order to find the simple kernel of truth.

 (more…)

 

Joy! Just saw this movie and loved the story based on the life of Joy Mangano, brilliantly portrayed by Jennifer Lawrence nominated for an Oscar for her role. The movie itself had mixed reviews, yet the story and it’s portrayal of female entrepreneurial venture is to be commended. This is what attracted David O Russell (director of American Hustle And Silver Linings Playbook) to put her unlikely life story on the big screen.

“It’s about emotion and about people and humanity and what is ridiculous and ordinary about them – but where that becomes extraordinary and magical,” the director says of his film. “That’s that place where we live.”

 (more…)

You are in the wedding planning stages- planning the location, the venue, the vibe and the dress, photographer, honeymoon everything to make the day you have both dreamed of come true. And you have such love and excitement planning your lives together. One wedding essential necessary to make sure your marriage is headed for success is pre-marital counseling.

 (more…)

Welcome to my new website and blog Designing Relationships:     Connect. Deepen. Grow.

I dedicate this blog site to those who live real and ordinary lives that create extraordinary and powerful stories. I believe these stories deserve to be expressed and recognized. They will serve as inspiration and hope. (more…)